Perfectly Flawed Girl

SQUEE!

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 01:56:11 GMT

crabclaw_b&w.JPG
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

My silicone mold-making stuff AND my Magic Sculp both came TODAY, even tho I only ordered them on Monday afternoon. OH! How I wish I was not leaving tomorrow for the weekend. I am itchy all over to start :-)

I hope, I hope, I hope I have time for a photo ramble at least this weekend. Maybe the salt marsh near Eric's folks' house?

Sorry to be such a broken record lately, folks.

Loverly Afternoon, Quite.

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 20:24:29 GMT

I had lunch with the thoughtful and thought-provoking thejourneythere. We talked about... oh, my, all sorts of things. Then it turned out we were headed to the same place after lunch, so we caravan-ed over to Savers (thrift store, charity store, what-have-you). I bought some clothes, because I have nearly ruined the few pairs of pants I have in my (relatively) new size, rolling around in the muck taking pictures of mushrooms and dead things and so forth. I also found two metal candlesticks or goblets that will be perfect for braziers in the "town square" of my city. Yeah, I'm making some smaller dwellings first, but then I have a little more elaborate set planned... A key ingredient of that set is that I be able to light it with wood fire for a photoshoot. Eric can stand by with a bucket of water if he's nervous about that. Where was I? Oh, yeah. And there were styrofoam skulls (Halloween stuff out already, fer chrissakes) for a buck apiece and even tho I'm trying hard not to buy stupid, random stuff, I bought an even ten for... something. I bought four plastic dinosaurs (one might be a dragon - not sure) for cutting up and reassembling, as well as a Star Wars-themed Lego kit for the cool space-age industrial Lego parts. And I found a book on building model railroad landscapes - HELLO! That was meant for me. J. was restrained, bought some lovely clothes and called it a day. I'm the one who had trouble shoving all that shit in my car.

Peeked at Mr. Jay - the flies seem to have found him, so it's only a matter of time. Waiting, waiting. I have one bird in the ground already... how long am I supposed to wait if it's in the ground?

Artfest's theme this year is "Sea Monster" or "Sea Monsters" with a "logo" image of an octopus on someone's head. Not too sure about the cute-looking cephalopod, but I am imagining Kraaken and sea-serpents and giant crabs (of course). I'm thinking about all those crazy-looking phosphorescent jellies and fish that live in the deepest ocean trenches where light does not penetrate, and the even crazier ones that hang out all their lives in the super-heated water around a volcanic vent. They will be the inspiration for my stuff at Artfest... provided I'm not on some other kick by then :-)

Like Bees to Pollen

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 15:03:52 GMT

likebeestopollen3.JPG
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

... I am drawn to... everything it seems these days. Everything feels interconnected and leads me out onto paths that double back and intersect with other paths. Everything I've been fascinated with somehow feeds into my artistic vision, whether it be directly or indirectly. That's what's so exciting about it all. Side paths I've meandered down, only to wonder how they'll get me where I'm going, now make sense. All the seemingly disparate parts of my creative life are simply falling - *snick* *snick* - into place like magnetic puzzle pieces. Now that I'm headed in this 3-D direction with dolls and sculpture, I work backward and find meaning and purpose with my stamps and collage and painting. Amazing! These delays with all the traveling and other distractions are driving me a little crazy - I'm dying to SHOW what has been burning up my neural synapses lately.

I go to sleep half-dreaming of clay in my hands, like I used to.

Nothing will go to waste - not my knitting, not my rubber stamps, not my ATCs, not my little silhouette dudes, not my vintage papers, not my steampunk obsessions, not the discoveries of The Excavation, not my mom's journals, not my travel photos, not my hiking excursions, not my interest in sustainable living, not even my master's degree in cultural anthropology. Gah!

Various Updates on Various Things

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 01:41:39 GMT

selfportraitwithjournal2.JPG
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

Eric and I spent last weekend visiting his Grandma Agnes. She occasionally drives me a little batty, and this is a picture of my Escape. I snuck out of the house one morning and lay on my stomach on the lawn with my journal. I didn't really journal at all, just enjoyed the sun and the fresh air.

I guess it is pretty obvious by now that I am planning to go to Artfest in March of next year. This is a big exciting decision for me - I sort of thought I wouldn't go again, but I read the class descriptions for 2009 and got bit by The Bug all over again. Just the workshop catalog and some of the instructors' web sites are inspiring what I'm working on right now. Actually, mostly what I am doing is sketching and making templates, as I am anxiously awaiting some critical art supplies via mail order. Argh! I am so ready TO GOOoooOOOO already.

Is it sad or weird or morbid that my Big News today is that I scored another dead blue jay? He was on the side of the road and had obviously met with an immovable object, as he'd broken his neck, poor thing. Obviously never saw it coming, whatever "it" was. Anyway, as I am planning to need several bird skulls for my projects, a free one is always good. I do NOT want to have to shell out for a replica on a taxidermy site or for a real one on Ebay. I like to think that I'm sort of recycling...? It's not like blue jays would prefer a proper burial... right?

I am not exercising or dieting in any meaningful way right now. But my weight is fairly steady. This is semi-pleasing, tho I miss That Special Feeling I used to get after a really hard workout. And the muscles under my skin - I miss those, too. I guess it's time to officially announce my recovery from May's back injury and return to the gym. I hope Gym will take me back.

I heartily hope that by this time next week, I will have art to show.

That is all. Mostly.

Artfest 2009

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:42:50 GMT

Lelainia Lloyd has a livejournal group started for Artfest 2009:
http://community.livejournal.com/af2009/
Here's the yahoogroup for Artfest 2009:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ArtFest2009/
And I also could not find a flickr group so I went ahead and started one of those, too:
http://www.flickr.com/groups/809575@N25/

The Artfest 2009 site itself can be tricky to Google, so here's a link to that while I'm at it:
http://www.teeshaslandofodd.com/af2009/info.html

Happy Monday!!!!

zoom! (not really)

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:24:04 GMT

we're all just animals, deep down
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

I know some of you worry, so I will tell you right now that while my writing might sound all spazzy and manic today, I promise that I am mostly lying around with my laptop on my stomach, browsing images for inspiration and occasionally writing something down in my journal. Even when I say "WHEE!" it's a highly theoretical "whee." I'm just sayin'.

Scrap

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 18:48:19 GMT

aug142008pclayexperments3.JPG
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

A little experimentation with scrap clay - a rough claw/clay doll head, a little house idea I'm mulling over and a VERY rough sculpted bird skull. All done in about five min., tops.

There's definitely a lot going on in my brain (creativity-wise) and I think I need to dive into my journal to sort it all out.

Mwah! to anyone who still reads my journal. I couldn't do without you!

Brain Full to Bursting

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:39:20 GMT

i was dreaming
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

I don't even know what to do FIRST! Arghhhh!

I got some polyshrink ideas and some clay ideas and some woodburning ideas and some transparency ideas and some eraser carving ideas and some fabric transfer ideas and some painting ideas and collage ideas and assemblage/sculpture ideas and some BIG ideas and itsy bitsy ideas and stencils and, and, and...

OH! SH$T! This is where I usually freak out, shut down and go to the movies. Oh, please don't let me do that. D00d, I think I have some pretty awesome ideas here!

I did do some loosening up exercises with some scrap clay today. And I tried to get that Gwen Gibson technique to work. No dice. Gonna try with different clay and a different copier. I think the problem is the toner, mainly.

I'm already thinking about trades for MARCH 2009. Is that sick?

I've got a lot of irons in the fire. At least my studio, after TWO DAYS with open windows, no longer smells like a bait shed. Are ya sick of hearing about smells already?! I should get in there and see if I can fix the mess I made with my first "environment." Man, I have a lot to learn. A. LOT.

Oh! I think my occipital lobe (or something) just burst.

Bwwwwahahahahaha!!! (help)

Regular Day

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:24:11 GMT

I did not get a ton accomplished yesterday, but I did find my notes from the Liz McGrath class and try making a doll body using her techniques. It's sort of horrible, but at least now I know like eleven things NOT to do...

I also downloaded a sh- BOATload of polymer clay tutorials because it has been so long since I've done anything significant in clay that I've forgotten everything. I can't believe I used to go to polymer clay conferences - that was right before rubber stamping kidnapped me. Back in the late '90s I had taken this really cool class with Gwen Gibson about toner transfer etching whatsits and I couldn't remember the specifics, which is why I ended up looking up tutorials in the first place.

Eric and I (mostly ERIC) stayed up waaaaaay too late last night watching the Olympics. He's going to be a cranky, brains-eating zombie today.

Tomorrow we're headed to Syracuse to visit Grandma Agnes and the weekend after that, to Long Island for Eric's pop's 70th birthday party. And the weekend after that will be my 20th hs reunion. It looks like I am not going to weigh 120 lbs. for my reunion after all... :-P Whatever. I will still RAWK, in my own limited way :-) But that is just TOO BUSY for summer. Too freakin' busy.

I started - just STARTED - to ask Eric about Artfest 2009, by mentioning that the class schedules are up. I was going to ease into, can we afford for me to go? when he got all excited and said, "Are you going? That's awesome! What a great idea!" So... it looks like I'm going. Or I'm sending in my registration, anyway. The postmark date is my birthday, so that's sort of... a sign? Eh? I'm excited. I know some of my friends are disappointed by the classes, but it's been long enough that I feel there are new things. There are definitely new teachers. And I LOVE Port Townsend - so you could look at it as an elaborate ruse to visit out there :-)

Artfest? Me?

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 18:44:19 GMT

How crazy is it that I’m considering – actually considering – going to Artfest 2009?

Last time I swore: never again. I was too homesick, too off-kilter, too distracted. I had a headache that would not quit and called Eric lonely all the time & imagined he was fading away over the telephone line. By the time I got home I had the mother of all flus. I brought WAY too much luggage and was miserable trying to tote it around. I felt like I was on Mars – the airless, inhospitable one, not the fantasy otherworld of my imagination. I was a hot mess.

On the other hand, I DID love my classes – Michael DeMeng’s pre-Artfest workshop, Susan Lenart-Kazmer’s jewelry class, Anne Grich’s painting class and of COURSE Liz McGrath’s creature-making class. I loved seeing my friends, I loved hobnobbing with art celebs, I loved seeing everyone's work, I loved trading, I loved soaking up what I could of the energy. I loved the food, I loved the beach, I loved the grounds at Fort Worden.

AAAAAAND I’m in a much better headspace now on all fronts – more confident about the direction my art is taking, more independent... just BETTER. I think I could get even more out of this than I EVER have before. I could see myself banishing any heebie-jeebies and mindmonkeys with daily walks on the beach. And OH, THE SMELLY AND WONDERFUL THINGS I COULD FIND THERE!!!!!

Lelainia, I know you're considering going. Anyone else?

HM.

just me again - no witches or photoshop

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 15:09:09 GMT

just me again - no witches or photoshop
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

I'm feeling a little out of sorts today, but considering the breadth of moods I COULD experience, "out of sorts" seems acceptable.

I'd like to end the day having done something. So this is just to check in, to say thanks for all the advice on crab exoskeletons yesterday, and ask for a bit of luck in making my day COUNT.

XO,
Mandy

"Her Kind," Anne Sexton

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:07:15 GMT

self-portrait experiment 3
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

This picture reminds me of a poem I used to have memorized (and so have probably quoted it here in my journal before): "I have gone out, a possessed witch,/ haunting the black air, braver at night;/ dreaming evil, I have done my hitch/ over the plain houses, light by light:/ lonely thing, twelve-fingered, out of mind/ A woman like that is not a woman, quite./ I have been her kind." et cetera. I think this poem landed me an English Lit. student at a keg party once... Hah! Those were the days. Some sort of days, anyway.

The image also sorta reflects how I'm feeling about my appearance these days. I feel like I've aged a decade in the last year, or maybe my face is just catching up with reality. I find myself a little envious of others' beauty in a way that never occurred to me before. I do feel crumbled and cracked, ruined and bruised... On the other hand, you know, I kinda like those sorts of things. So I am coming to terms with myself? Oh, vanity.

The Haul

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:11:37 GMT

The Haul
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

This stuff really, really stinks. I left the plastic bag, tied off, in my studio overnight and this morning I could smell it through the door! It has all now been rinsed free of sand (did nothing for the odor) and banished to the basement until I figure out something. I was going to boil it all but then - duh - I remembered what happens to lobsters when you cook 'em. Boiled a few test subjects and sure enough, they all lost their gorgeous colors and patterns. Bummer.

Napatree Point

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 03:13:56 GMT

red and blue crab claw
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

I drove down to the bottom of my state to Napatree Point, which is the westernmost spur of land in Rhode Island. I think. Anyway, it turns out that the Point is the same place I called "Watch Hill beach" as a kid, and therefore is the location of some of my favorite memories of my mom. We used to go down there from our home in CT and walk the beaches and talk about mother-daughter stuff (or nothing at all) and pick up stones. My vast and useless collection of smooth white pebbles mostly come from walks with my mom there. That was a nice surprise.

Also a nice surprise was the weather. The news said "thunderstorms" and I drove down in rain - but once at the beach, it cleared up and was sunny and gorgeous. Still, the forecasts kept the crowds away.

I must have walked up and down the beach, wove through dune scrub and scrambled over rocky sections for four hours. FOUR HOURS. Actually, I almost got caught by the tides when I got a little lost/disoriented and had to backtrack a mile or so on wobbly legs and a back that was JUST about to give up. My low back is still sore, but I DID it, all that walking over uneven and shifting ground. I have come SO far with my recovery.

To show for my efforts I have about a hundred photos and a VERY smelly ziploc full of crab claws. It didn't seem that stinky while I was gathering things on the beach, with the breeze off the water and the salty air filling my nose... but once I got the damned thing in my car - PHEW. That was a long ride home. RIPE. Tomorrow I'll clean everything off/out.

Very happy to be able to combine art supply procurement, hiking AND photography in one joyeous activity :-)

Back (again) from the North Country

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:27:22 GMT

nh woods 2
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

New Hampshire: Despite the buckets of rain, there were moments of sunshine that we grabbed and ran with - hikes and mushroom gathering, photo rambles and more clearing around the cottage. Down in the woods behind and below the cabin I found a collection of mossy boulders against which to lean and survey the forest. As always, I was filled with joy and peace.

We're back in Rhode Island, but our side-trip to Maine inspired me, so I am off right now to the shore to gather treasures and pics from the rain-soaked (and hopefully deserted) beaches.

Ten Things

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 21:46:34 GMT

sunflowers at community garden
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

1) I found my muse or she found me or whatever metaphor you want to use - it is AWESOME! Everything is fitting together. My Van Dyke eyes came in for the dolls and I'm going to Maine next weekend, so you KNOW I'll be scoring some crab and lobster claws...

2) On Sunday Eric and I walked all over Fox Point and the Wayland Square area. We did stop to watch some of the local soccer league's game in the park, but all in all I'd say I/we walked for about two hours. We WERE in search of yard sales, but found the community gardens and the futbol. I'm also excited about my recent strides in physical strength and endurance.

3) Tomorrow we head to NH and then to a (MY) family reunion in Maine. These are the new/old lost/found cousins of mine whom I "met" last summer. Whee! And: Ah! The mountains and the ocean in one week! That's why I love the northeast.

4) I've been finding lots of cool stuff to photograph. Did you see the slugs on my flickr stream? ENORMOUS! And I think I might have... um... interrupted something when I turned that pot shard over and found them.

5) I have some other ideas for photo shoots. And I'm thinking of learning a little Photoshop. There are things I want to do and things I want to say that can only happen with PS.

6) I could tell most of the other people were annoyed, but I was THRILLED to go to my orientation for the state-wide Grand Jury today. I'm a grand jurist! I could barely contain myself when we were all being sworn in. This is f*cking DEMOCRACY, yo! Not only must you be tried by a jury of your peers; but also if the charge is serious enough, a jury must agree to even indict you. It's thrilling and I'm a dork!

7) Eric seems to be happier these days. I'm going to do my level best to keep him on that path. He's my One, you know? :-)

8) Okay, not as exciting as my muse or my civic duty - but I found a really cute top in the clearance rack at Target today. *shrug*

9) Chocolate bar in my purse - OMG, I hope it isn't SOUP by now...!

10) Bringing back "Ten Things" :-)

inspiration

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 19:33:18 GMT

birdgirldoll_agnes2.JPG
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

So this is the doll I made three years ago at Artfest. She's part of the web of inspiration that drew me into my current obsession - dolls and environments... sort of dioramas...

I really need a quick term for what the heck I'm doing.

Agnes here is rough around the edges, my first try and in the restrictions of a classroom setting, no less. I intend to improve upon her and make her some friends. The eyeball from VanDykes Taxidermy supply co. are already on their way. (Do I feel squeamish, as a vegetarian, supporting the taxidermy industry? Kinda - but I figure for every hunter out there having their trophy stuffed, there is at least one museum curator or doll-maker who needs eyes, too.)

I started on my first model today. It is twice as big in scale as the ones I really want to make, but I figured I could practice on a larger scale first, and maybe sell these bigger ones (1/6 scale) as backdrops to someone with a Dollfie or something.

Abstractions

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 01:28:27 GMT

Abstractions
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

Just messing around. I love photography - I find it more relaxing than any other art form. That's why I am so excited about my new Art Thing; after I make it I'm going to photograph the f*ck out of it, thus creating yet more Art Things. Hee!

see? i can have a thousand-yard stare, too

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 00:19:55 GMT

see? i can have a thousand-yard stare, too
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

I almost forgot, almost got through the day without remembering that today is my pop's death day. It's been two years. I don't feel like crying, though I've got oceans of tears to spare. I'd rather look forward while I still can. I mean, sooner or later the grief will catch up with me, ya know?

I went by Utrechts today (that's a chain of art supply stores, for the unfamiliar). Came away with foamcore, pre-mixed paper mache stuff, armature wire, armature mesh, a giant pad of kraft paper (for making templates) and a pound of cheap-o Super Sculpey. The clerks at Utrechts - my local store, anyway - are always super-knowledgeable, because chances are good they're students at the Rhode Island School of Design. Gotta love RISD kids.

I've been trolling through Flickr looking at images of Berber architecture in Tunisia, yak skulls used as totems in the Himalayas and Nepalese kitchens. If nothing else, I'm getting an education (sort of).

Still trying to simplify my first design. The current one has braziers for lighting and storm drains. *sigh* AGAIN.

Kisses to you, Pops. If I believed in Heaven, I'd hope you have an endless supply of Times crossword puzzles there.

art journal stuff

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 23:46:33 GMT

art journal stuff
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

So here is what it is:

I'm going to make more dolls, using the techniques I learned in Liz McGrath's class several Artfests ago... probably at least a couple like the one I did back then - the lobster claw bird girls. But that's just the beginning, because I want to make environments and miniatures for my bird girls to interact with. Not recreating anything in the real world, but world-building. It'll be like the process of creating a backstory for artistamps. And then I'll light it and take photos of the bird girls in their homes and public spaces...

So my head is all full of architecture (sci fi movie sets, medieval towns, doors and windows from places I've been like Turkey and Bhutan) and textures (acrylic paint, gesso, rust solutions, polymer clay) and shapes (from other cultures, from jewelry-making, from my own doodles, from the organic world) and construction techniques and images (for mini murals and decorative elements and objects in the spaces) and color and lighting and oh, so many aspects. I want my sets (for lack of a better term) to be twisty and turny and full of little details and surprises.

I was just looking at medieval villages in Spain on Flickr. Now I'm thinking about secret passage-ways and different levels and curbs and wells and arcades and residences suspended over alley-ways and stairwells. *sigh* But I have to start small, I know that. I have to start simple. I've never even made ONE construction like this and already I'm thinking about towers and alleys and secret passages??

So that's what it is. But it still remains to be seen what it will look like. And maybe it doesn't seem earth-shattering from the outside, but I am bursting with excitement on the inside... It just feels so right, and I get to use all my favorite things, and do all my favorite things...!! And I never thought I'd end up deciding to make dolls and buildings - essentially miniatures - nor that I'd end up using photography as part of my process.

ps: Pardon my complete lack of art training, as evidenced in my crappy perspective drawings and sketches. Ouch! I need to develop some skillz, mad or otherwise...

found objects

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 03:00:38 GMT

mildeweddoll_sat.JPG
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

I found dolly here (the cottage) in the basement, covered in mold or mildew or whatever. She must have been rescued from my old bedroom when the cabin was renovated almost thirty years ago and stashed in a corner, never to be missed (by me) or found until now.

For some reason, she seemed fitting for my natterings today, even though she really doesn't have anything to do with anything... other than looking kinda cool is this over-saturated image.

I am SO excited. My retreat at the cabin totally paid off. I have found a way to incorporate all the things I LOVE, all my skills and quirks and interests and obsessions. And it doesn't feel like I'm trying to shove a square peg into a rhomboid hole. I wish I could say more, but I'm afraid - superstitious, it's surprising - of jinxing it. Let me say that I didn't expect to be led here, but I haven't been this excited about Making Stuff in a looooooooong time - not since I took off from grad school to "find myself." Back then I was living alone in a shitbox apartment in a brand new city with no furniture, working as an administrative assistant in a stifling environment, but waking up at five am excited to Make Stuff for an hour or two before trudging off to the office.

I have SO many ideas; but instead of feeling overwhelmed and kinda sick, I have direction and a clear vision that keeps me on an even keel.

It's KINDA scary because making even one piece will be a huge endeavor and I have never risked more than a week on a project. That's nerve-wracking, to put so much time into one thing, not knowing if it'll work out. That's risky, man. And skill-wise, I have MUCH to learn. But I am so very, very stoked to do so.

I wish I felt more comfortable being more direct. Please bear with me. In the meantime, I am diagramming and sketching and looking up reference images and tutorials on-line. Maybe I will make a mock-up or a small example. I'll need to get some supplies I don't have (I know, haven't I said I don't need more supplies?!)

Oh, I'm sorry! I'm just talking in circles here. Just... say hello to Rebecca here (I think that's what I called her, back when she had hair and clothes :-P) and if you've got any spare mojo, send some my way?

*bighugs*,
Mandy

Om Mani Padme HOME

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:30:41 GMT

mistfromtheledges.JPG
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

I keep taking my daily walk/hike in the early morning, hoping to catch sight of the moose who's taken up residence on the mountain... but I haven't yet.

Chop Wood, Carry Water

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:15:37 GMT

meattheledges.JPG
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

I've been up in NH since Tuesday, July 15th. I came up here without Eric, to do some soul-searching about Where I'm Going and What's Next and other Big Questions. What I really wanted to do was figure out this endless art conundrum, what all the fear and paralysis has been about and what, if anything, do I want to DO about it?

It took five days just to still my mind. I woke up and took a walk every morning that it wasn't pouring rain. I took photos of countless lovely and varied mushrooms. I climbed up to The Ledges above the pond TWICE. That was actually huge, considering my low back issues. I spent days alternating between lying on the porch glider, listening to the birds; and using loppers and clippers to cut down the swath of bittersweet taking over several trees around the cabin. The work was sweaty and I came away with scratches all over my arms, but it was cathartic. I spent those first few days letting the peace overtake my monkeymind, the one that chatters away about things to worry about and things to do and shoulds and don'ts... No email, no telephone (once a day I went outside with my cell to find a signal and check in with Eric), no TV, no blogs, no chore list, no PT, no scale, no obligations, no calendar. I would sit on a rock in a meadow and listen to the birds. I'd sit on a log in the woods and listen to the rush of water in a nearby stream. I'd sit up on The Ledges and listen to the wind through the pines. I'd sit on the porch and listen to the rain on the roof. My brain stopped racing, and so did my heart rate. Peace feels huge and expansive under my breastbone. Even when I am happy, I rarely feel so quiet in the core of me.

Then I turned my attention to the art thing and in the silence, listened to myself. Without the intrusion of the outside world and the goblinesque inner voices with which I'm plagued, it was easy to do.

And I know more than ever why I need this place in my life. I feel like that neuro-anatomist described her experience with a left-brain stroke - that my boundary between me and rest of the world feels fuzzy or non-existent. I am as close as I'll ever be to a religious experience.

Yesterday evening after dinner, the rain eased and the sun shone through the clouds a little and a rainbow appeared. I went out into the open to get a better look and it was so huge and clear and arched over me like those storybook paintings of rainbows... I almost staggered with the shock of it. I know it sounds corny and melodramatic, but this is like church to me.

I have to get off this borrowed internet connection, but later when I am home again, I'll post more words and pictures.

*hugs*

Vacation!

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 13:28:49 GMT

Cleaning up the sun porch (afters and befores)
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

We had SUCH a relaxing time in NH! The near-total media blackout was a welcome relief. We hiked and saw cool mushroom and ate wild strawberries and watched a grasshopper molt. I cooked lots of good food and we ate out on the newly cleared-out sun porch. We jumped into the lake off the diving rock and did somersaults in the water. We made sundaes late at night and played air guitar to 'eighties guilty pleasures. We snipped and lopped and tore away piles and piles of bittersweet choking several trees and threatening to eat the cottage. The cats adored it - I've rarely seen them so happy. Eric and I relaxed and watched the world spin slowly. We uncovered my grandmother's stone steps and paths around the cottage and had a new back stoop installed; perfect for sitting on to take off muddy hiking boots. It was truly lovely... and I can't wait to go back!

my hearthome

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 12:57:22 GMT

my hearthome
Originally uploaded by junquegrrl

We're headed north in a couple hours for a week at the cabin. I hope my back is well enough to go on a small hike or two...? Little to no internet access up there, so... Have a great week and Fourth of July!